Truth or Reality?

28 Jul

I woke up this with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. You know, where something just doesn’t feel right? Within seconds, fear gripped my heart and with that came a flood of memories of things…sins…that i have done in the past. Shameful things. Sins that i have been forgiven for long ago. Things that I’ve shared in my testimony many times, for many years, of what God has delivered me from, in hopes of encouraging at least one person in the crowd. Why is it that i woke up feeling so dirty, so shameful…so scared? Scared of all the “what if’s & what could’ve been’s.” You know how our mind works…pretty fast. And in my situation this morning, it was all over the place in a matter of seconds! I thought of different seasons in my life and decisions that I made during that time all in a matter of seconds…seconds! That’s just crazy! 

Once i snapped myself back to reality, and saw my now 14 yr old daughter sleeping next to me, i realized what was going on. 

But I had to ask myself if I’ve opened any doors to sin. No. Have i talked to anyone from my past that might have triggered the memories? No. 

The only thing that came to mind is that it was a fiery dart from hell trying to distract & discourage me. 

Distract me from taking my eyes off of what is truth to what is a lie.By even for just a few seconds, taking my eyes off of Jesus.

Discourage me by trying to suck me back into that moment of fear&regret. By making me feel so unworthy of forgiveness and grace and mercy and Christ’s unending love.

Immediately, I got up and prayed. I started thanking God for delivering&for setting me free from all of my dirty sins and dumb decisions. I began to worship & praise Him for everything He has done for me & for everything He has blessed me with. The devil wanted me to wallow in self pity & condemnation. But I turned it around and glorified God. 

We can’t change our past, so why dwell on it? All of what i was reminded of this morning is all true, but not reality. These are all echoes from my past. Echoes that Satan, The father of lies, tries to throw at us. 

“The thief does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus comes so that we have life more abundantly.” John 10:10

Remember we have to take every thought captive. (2Cor 10:5) Rebuke the lies of the enemy. Always, always, always be prayed up and Put on the whole armor of God. (Eph 6:10-18)

++

On a lighter note, Jeremiah & Jordyn are both taking a college class at our local community college and will be getting dual credit for it. 

Jeremiah has his driver’s learners permit!

Jordyn turned 14 yesterday! We made her breakfast and brownies. 

On Monday, my hubby took her to Fiesta Texas and ended the day by giving her a purity ring! 

Joshua has been enjoying his summer just hanging out with the dogs! 

…and dressing up as a cow for free food!

++

My heart is full!!

Thanks for stopping by!

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5 Responses to “Truth or Reality?”

  1. Fudge July 28, 2016 at 5:16 pm #

    Did y’all get a new pup!? Jason’s been begging for a pug for as long as I can remember. Lol! Anyways, Part of being a mature christian is knowing what to do and how to protect ourselves in moments of weakness. I felt like that recently and luckily it was when our mother church was livestreaming their Harvesters. So I cleared my schedule and sat my butt down and got fed! God is so faithful to us when we cry out to Him. Beijos minha amiga! Muito amor de Brasil! ❤

    • genevawacker July 28, 2016 at 5:42 pm #

      No new pup, He wishes!! Pug’s are a handful and pretty hyper. We were dog sitting one and a friend of mine who owns the pug is staying with us for a few months.

  2. Veronica July 28, 2016 at 5:37 pm #

    Thank you Geneva for sharing this and reminding is that God is awesome!!! I am glad to be able to see all the goodness that God has blessed you with. You’re an amazing mom, amiga, sister in Christ and above all a great example of a virtuous woman who loves and fears God.

    Loved the cow outfit!!!

  3. Villa July 28, 2016 at 7:08 pm #

    This blog was on it!! I think life has been at its worse for us this year and lately. I’ve had this same exact battle in my mind and heart a lot lately!! And I battle with what am I doing wrong!!!! But the devil is real and trying hard to take us out of the game!! Thank you! For sharing that I’m not the only one with these thoughts!! God is sooo good ad I will continue to testify of his love and grace!!!

  4. Heather Gutierrez August 3, 2016 at 10:12 pm #

    I’ve also had times where I suddenly get hit with dread and fear, and then realize that it’s an assault of hell to steal my joy in God! And I’m once again wishing we lived closer, so our kids could meet each other! 😊

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