Choose wisely, my dear.

It’s been long…way too long since I’ve been on here. But you already should be used to my lack of blogging, since I’ve made such a bad habit of it. Sad, i know. Forgive me? 

Anywho, I’ve had a certain topic On my mind for a while now and i thought I’d pour my heart out and hopefully encourage my fellow Single brother’s and sister’s, especially church kids, out there on the topic of dating, within the church. (our fellowship, in particular)
I started thinking of this because a lot of our church kids are growing up into beautiful young ladies and handsome young men and i couldn’t help but notice That they’re noticing it about eachother, too.

I don’t want this post to be a list of do’s and dont’s That u must follow while dating as far as dating clean goes, because for the most part that’s already been established. If not, talk to your parents and/or pastor. They’ll be more than glad to help you understand & explain the importance of That.

My question to you is what is it that you’re looking for?

First, I’d like to share my dating experience in the church…

My husband & i dated clean. Our first touch, kiss, hug, hand holding was on February 7, 1999, the day we said “i do”. I had just turned 20 and he was 21.  We honored God and each other. We encouraged each other. We challenged each other spiritually. Neither one of us had Christian parents or family to help guide us through this. We had our pastor and other couples In the church, our own personal convictions, and God’s grace. We were one of the first couples to meet at church, date, and have a Jesus people wedding!

I wouldn’t have it any other way. I remember our pastor had a singles class and he had us write down what we’re looking for in a future spouse. I wish i still had My list, but i remember the first thing i had on that piece of paper was he needed my pastor’s approval to date me. It was a must... especially since i didn’t have a father to put some fear in him! Hehe

And then of course, the obvious, he had to be saved & on fire for God, faithful to regular church services, as well as every function the Church had. He had to have a good testimony in&out of church and be a servant. I didn’t want a lazy man, so he needed to have a good decent job & vehicle. I didn’t want a carnal one either. I knew that Jeremiah had a calling on his life so i knew if this was gonna work out, i had to make decisions as a single girl to prepare me to be the help meet that he would one day need. Another thing i noticed was that he was a man of integrity & Godly character. This is something that tends to be overlooked sometimes. No, he wasn’t perfect. Yes, he made mistakes. But he had, and still does have, a heart after God’s. And that right there is what drew me to him.

Because honestly, i wasn’t looking to date anyone and i definitely had no interest in a white guy. (That’s another story, which i think in one of my older posts i explain all of that.)

Hey! I’m just being honest here!

Listen y’all, Godly Character is much more important than Charm and/or beauty. The bible says that charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeing. If a guy/girl shows you more charm than good character, I would reevaluate some things. If they lack some things that are important to you like maybe they aren’t tithing, not going to morning prayer or prayer before church,  not attending bible studies, or outreach etc, then these are things to consider. For us, this was a no brainer. Being faithful to church was a given.

Let me add something else here, if y’all don’t have your dad’s and/or your pastor’s approval- let it go. It’s not worth it. More than likely, they either know something or sense something that isn’t quite right with them. Just trust them and God. I totally understand this b/c our pastor told Jeremiah to wait on pursuing me bc i was only saved 3 months when, as he puts it, “God whispered your name in my ear on my way home from Atlanta.” I’m so grateful for my pastor and our standard of waiting at least 6 months to date bc I needed some more time…lots more time… to grow spiritually, to change my way of thinking, etc. Come on y’all, i was a very clueless new Convert! I knew absolutely nothing about the gospel, much less about  dating clean, I was your typical raw Convert. Anyway, you don’t ever want to rush or force a relationship into existence. It’s not smart and it’s not spiritually healthy for either of you.

Don’t think that they’ll change once you’re married, because if they ain’t doing it now, they won’t do it then. 

I have one too many friends who’ve ignored red flags while dating, hoping&praying that things will change once they marry. And guess what? Most of them haven’t changed one bit for the better, and i see my dear friends still hoping & praying that things will change, that their spouses will lead their family spiritually, be better with their money, etc. So please, don’t ignore any red flags that you may see, because once you’re married- it’s for life.

You can trust God with your future.

He knows exactly who & what you need in a spouse. And he will tell you when it’s time. Do not awaken love before its time, it’ll happen, I promise, and when it does it will be worth the wait. So worth it! Dating clean doesn’t guarantee a problem free marriage. It just eliminates so much unnecessary drama to your life & to your future family.

I came into the church as a very lonely, used broken hearted 18 year old girl. I had plenty of experience In the world and a lit of baggage. I’m not happy About any of it, but what i am happy about is that God pulled me out of that mess, cleaned me up inside & out, and gave me a fresh start at life.

Maybe you’re not a “church kid”per se, but you came into the church with a past- Jesus can&wants to bless you. He can & He will if you surrender your life & will to Him.

To all the church kids out there- please wait on God! Don’t rush anything. Don’t awaken love before its time, and when it is time, pay attention to their character. Ask yourself are they making me want to get closer to God or are they pulling me away from Him? Do my parents approve? Is it b/c they’re cute & I’m flatterd? Try to see past their charm & beauty, although those are important, it’s just not the most important!

Gentlemen, if you want a woman of God, then shouldn’t you strive to be a man of God?
Ladies, if you want a man  God, then shouldn’t you strive to be a woman of God?

To my kids, this is especially for you. You’ve had the privilege of growing up so differently then dad & i. We did all of this to be right & pure before Jesus, yes, but also, we did it for you. So please don’t take it for granted. Fight for purity & righteousness. Fight for modesty & Godly character. Fight for the things of God. And fight to stay pure for your future spouse, just as we’re praying they’re doing the same for you.

Dating isn’t a one size fits all thing, so choose wisely, my dear…choose wisely.

The day we said, “I do.” 18 years ago. 🙂


3 thoughts on “Choose wisely, my dear.”

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