Tag Archives: christian

A Sinner Like Me

19 Jun

Monday, June 15, was my 18th spiritual birthday… The day that I gave my life to Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord & Saviour.

I have to admit, I was clueless to what being saved meant. I never even considered God or anything religious or spiritual before this day.

I was a sinner.

And to be honest, the only reason I even went to church was because a friend of mine had been asking me to go with her for 3 months.

“Fine,” I said. ” and after this will you stop bugging me!?”

Once she agreed to that, it was official…I was going to church.

Why was I all of a sudden scared to go?

God was drawing me to Him.

“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them.” John 6:44

Before I knew it, I was driving with my friend and her new friend’s to church. I kept telling myself, I’m going this one time and that’s it. (Wrong!) Church is not for people like me. (Wrong again!)

I walked into those doors and instantly people welcomed me. I noticed that most of them were happy. I thought to myself, Fake! There all faking. No one is THAT  happy, right!?

I made it through praise and worship… Barely.

I made it through the preaching. I don’t remember a word that was preached. I think I was too busy looking around and checking everybody out… Observing every single detail about the church.

Then came the altar call.

First let me say that this was my first time ever in a Christian church. I new NOTHING about salvation, The Trinity, grace, nothing. I never even seen a Bible before, much less know what’s inside of it.

I was a sinner.

Okay, now back to the altar call.

The Pastor was asking if anyone wanted to accept Jesus in their heart and to be forgiven of their sins, to raise their hand.

I just sat there with my head bowed, my eyes closed, and my hands on my lap.

He asked if anyone once new  God but have fallen away and they want to come back, to raise their hand.

I still sat there. I didn’t move.

I remember feeling so confused like, I’d like to believe it’s that simple but these people don’t know me. They don’t know what I’ve done or what’s been done to me.

I was only 18 years old, but have already experienced so much that I thought it was hopeless for me. I mean, I had no hope, no goals, no nothing for my life. Yes, I graduated high school. Yes, I had a part time job at Sonic. But I had nothing else.

Anyways, the Pastor invited people to go pray at the altar and that’s when I got approached by a girl, and she asked me if she could pray with me. I didn’t know what she meant so I said yes because I thought everyone could use prayer, right!?

I didn’t know that she meant a prayer of salvation; to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour!

Let me give you a little glimpse of what life was like for me before this day…

I am a product of a one night stand… So they say.  Till this day, I’ve never met my dad, nor have I ever seen a picture of him. I only know that he was tall, skinny, with blue eyes, and long straight blond hair. (Now you know where my kids get it from)  As far back as I can remember, I was always scared. Scared to talk to people. Scared to meet people. Scared to do anything or be anywhere alone. I’ve never had self esteem or self worth. I always felt like the outcast, the black sheep because I was the only one of my cousins who didn’t have a daddy. As I got a little older, I learned to pretend that I didn’t care if I had one or not.

But I did care. I’ve always cared.

Any self esteem and self worth that I tried to build up for myself, which wasn’t much, all went down the drain the day I got violated.

I was in the 4th grade.

It went on for 3 years. I hated him. I hated myself for being weak and not sticking up for myself. I hated the fact that I was scared. I hated the fact that no one could hear my silent cries, my pleas for help. I hated everything. I hated life. I hated my dad for leaving me in this world to fend for myself. I hated my mom for not aborting me when she had the chance. I hated everyone.

My life turned a corner in the 8th grade… For the worse.

That was the year when everything I was holding in all came out…sorta. I started hanging with the wrong crowd because they may not have known every single terrible thing that happened to me up to that point, but they understood me. They understood brokenness. They understood abandonment. They understood the pain that they saw in my eyes every single day.

They understood and they didn’t ask, so I was safe.

I got introduced to smoking, skipping school, guys, crazy music, sex, parties… Everything.

Even though I tried everything to fill the void in my heart, I was still empty inside longing for love and acceptance.

No matter how hard I tried, I never found it. 

I found true love and acceptance for the first time in my whole life 18 years ago, when that girl approached me asking to pray with me.

I had no clue what I was doing.
I had no clue what it meant to be saved.  I had no clue that the minute I stepped foot in that church, that my life would be changed forever. I had no clue that the girl praying with me would be my future sister in law!

But God did.

I went along with the prayer even though I didn’t completely believe that it was gonna work for me.

I can’t say that I felt this wonderful cleansing deep within my soul and was overflowing with joy that everyone else in this church apparently had. No, it wasn’t like that for me. I got up from that altar went to my seat and wondered what in the world just happened!

I didn’t understand right away, but once I did comprehend that, which was months later, (don’t judge.. I’m a slow learner, okay!) what I did was accept Jesus in my heart and he forgave me of all my past sins and that I was forgiven and that I was His child, I was overwhelmed with an emotion that I never experienced before: Joy.

Everything I was searching for, I found in Christ.

Everything that I needed, I found in Christ.

Everything that I am, I found in Christ.

The most amazing thing to me at that time, and still is, is that Christ loves me so much that He died for Me.  ME! As messed up and confused and lonely as I was, He died for me.

I was a sinner.

And that is exactly who He died for.

I’m still a sinner but I’m a sinner saved my grace.

I’ve made some mistakes in my 18 years. But I’m not the young brokenhearted girl I was when I first came to Christ.

Christ can do for you what He did for me.

I love music, so here’s a song that I’m loving right now in this season of my life. I have a feeling it’s going to be my favorite song for a long time.

Colton Dixon “Through All of It.”

Advertisements

Handfuls on Purpose

5 Dec

It has been waaaay too long since I’ve written, but this mama has been extremely busy lately.  I even tried to start a series of Sunday Funnies to make up for my absence, and even that was short lived…Doh!

So here I am, on a cold rainy night, drinking coffee and eating pecan swirls, while sitting on my living room floor in comfy jammies, reflecting on all that God has done for me this year…

…. And I am so amazed… And so humbled… And so grateful… And so overwhelmed with emotion…

6 months ago, we did something we’ve never done before, much less ever considered… We took in 2 boys. What was supposed to be as temporary as 2 months, has now lasted 6 months. And what started off as having 2 extra boys, has now become 3. (They’re all brothers)

We now have 6 children. Can you believe that? 6!?!?! We went from 3 to 6 kids in a few short months.

And you know what?

God has ALWAYS met our needs. He has always been faithful. He has always answered specific prayers that we’ve prayed in detail. He has made the impossible, possible. He has opened doors for us since the moment we agreed to help with the boys, and it’s always been right on time. Whether it be monetary blessings or encouraging words, it has been given and it definitely has been received!

Has God ever blessed you with something and you totally don’t feel worthy to receive it? Like, “Who am I, God, that you would bless me with this?” Well, that’s how I’ve felt a time or two in this season of my life.

But I’ve had to learn to confidently go to God with my needs and pray in detail. And secondly, I’ve had to learn to accept when that need has been met.

Two of the most hardest things for me to do.

And He has proven himself to be real time and time again.

Just like he blessed Ruth and provided for her & Naomi while gleaning in the field, so he has done for us…. Dropping handfuls on purpose and making sure we are taken care of.

image

++

We’ve all been doing well, actually. Everyone gets along great, for the most part. We have our occasional annoyances, but nothing out of the norm. I try to let the kids work out their own disagreements and it usually gets resolved in its early stages, which I am so thankful for.

But I have to admit, sometimes my days feel like this and today happens to be one of them:

image

Me & Jordyn tend to stick together since we’re the only girls in the house. ‘Cause you know, us girls gotta have each other’s back in these parts! Lol

image

She’s almost as tall as me! Can you please stop growing, child!?! Pretty please!?!?!? 😀

++

This past Sunday we were finally able to take family pictures.

So. Much. Fun.

My friend, Angel, is starting up her photography business and she takes great pictures! Look her up on FB and IG under #stillmomentsbyangel, and book your appointment with her… You won’t regret it. Right now her price is $50 for 2 hours and you get the CD with all your pictures on it. Can’t beat that!

Here are a few pictures from our photo shoot:

image

image

image

image

We got the CD with all of our pics on Tuesday and I’ve yet to upload them to my laptop…. And they came out Awesome!

Thanks for stopping by and just in case I don’t get back on here before the year is over…. Merry Christmas!

“Also let the grain from the bundles fall purposely for her; leave it that she may glean, and do not rebuke her.” Ruth 2:16

Sunday Funnies: For my husband & kiddos

20 Oct

I got this bright idea (and those don’t happen very often!!)  to post something funny every Sunday. Maybe a quote I find on Pinterest, or a riddle etc. I don’t know exactly what the Sunday Funnies will consist of or if I’ll actually post anything at all, but it’s worth a shot, right!?!?

Today’s funnies are dedicated to my Amazing Husband and my awesome children.

To my hubby:

image

To my children:

image

Okay, so maybe those aren’t actually funny, but hey, they’re good! Right!?

I think so.

Happy Sunday!

Friendly Fire

24 Apr

Yesterday was a pretty rough Homeschool day for us. Nothing seemed to go right…Nothing.

I felt like quitting.

I felt like throwing in the towel.

I’m done.

No more.

I asked myself at least 100 times, “Why am I don’t this? Why in the world am I homeschooling? I must be crazy! Who am I kidding to think I could actually pull this off?”

(You know what I’m talking about, right Homeschool mamas?)

The mind battles continued throughout the day.

My son comes to me so I can “help” him with math corrections.

I tried but He still doesn’t understand.

He watched the CD that comes with his math to teach him each lesson.

Doesn’t understand.

We go over the lesson again and Nothing.

He doesn’t understand.

At this point, we’re both frustrated. He’s angry, I’m angry. He pops an attitude and walks away mumbling.

I sat on my bed and cried angry, frustrated tears.

I prayed and begged God to help me… To help us with our son because there’s always an issue with him & math.

This quote immediately popped in my head….

image

And let me tell you, that was like a breath of fresh air for me! I felt  the very heavy burden that I was carrying lifted off my shoulders and believed every word of that quote.

I was reminded why we decided to Homeschool. I was reminded that we don’t have “bad days” very often. I was reminded that every Homeschool family has a bad day, not just ours. I was reminded that I can and will continue on this venture. Lastly, I was reminded that I can’t do this on my own, I desperately need God’s wisdom & guidance… Daily.

And after talking with my hubby about this, he agreed to take over teaching him math!!! You know this girl was doing the happy dance!! Lol

I’m happy to say that our day didn’t end the way it started!

image

This is us on our way to church.

Our pastor preached on friendly fire. How as Christians we need to be careful not to “kill” our brothers and sister’s in Christ. To remember we’re on the same team, fighting the same fight against the enemy and not each other.
He used the story of Joseph, how his brother’s sold him into slavery…His very own brothers!

Friendly fire.

Years later when they crossed paths with him, he could’ve ended their lives in a second, but he didn’t. He had every right to be filled with anger and resentment but instead he was filled with forgiveness and love.

I believe that as parents, if we’re not careful, we can spiritually kill our kids with friendly fire, too. But we have to remember, they’re on our side, fighting the same enemy that we are. 

It’s no coincidence that I heard that sermon after the day I had yesterday. 

Good knows exactly what we need to hear!

Not a fan

25 Sep

Last night our church had our first Ladies book club. We’re reading a book called Not a Fan by Kyle Idelman, which I highly recommend, especially if you want to be challenged in going all out for God.

image

He first starts off by defining the difference between a fan and a follower.

Fans are not willing to follow Jesus if it means hurting those they love, such as family and friends. Fans want to share Jesus with other “things.”  They want to compartmentalize Him and put Him in a little box to make them feel good about what’s really in their heart.

We can’t mix Jesus with our fleshly desires.

“He said to them, Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”
Mark 8:34

As followers of Christ, we must love Him more than…..(you fill in the blank)

*Family/Friends
*Job
*Education
*Material things

The list can go on & on and it’s different for everyone. But the point is, Christ has to be #1 in our lives, above everything…and yes, even above our loved ones, as much as that may hurt.

image

16 years ago, I made a decision to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Jesus.

In this time, I’ve had my high times, where it’s been easy to “take up my cross” and follow Him and I’ve had my low times, to where taking up my cross was a very difficult thing to do…but I did it anyway.

Just because we’re followers of Christ doesn’t mean we’re exempt from trials.
Trials are a part of life, but I’d much rather go through it with Jesus by my side, that’s for sure!

A follower makes a decision everyday to follow Christ.  They are so committed that they are willing to die for Him.

Am I really willing to die for Christ?

To some, that may sound a bit radical, maybe because it is,  but a Completely Committed follower won’t even give it a second thought.

That’s an extreme case, to actually die for Christ. But on a smaller level, as followers we  should be dying to the flesh on a daily basis. Like waking up early to pray, reading our bible, overcoming temptations, whether that be blatant sin OR not eating that donut that you know isn’t good for you. 🙂

I choose to be a follower of Christ. To keep Him #1 in my life. To be the ruler of my heart. He is the Light to my Path, and wherever He leads me is where I’ll go.

I love Chris Tomlin’s song:

Where you go, I go. Where you stay, I stay. If you move, I move. I will follow you.

image

Jesus doesn’t want fans…He wants followers.

Completely. Committed. Followers.

Raising Arrows

28 Aug

We officially will be starting our homeschool year next week and we are all so excited!  We tried it last year, and between all of my health issues that lasted 3 long horrible months, the holidays, and moving back to Austin, homeschooling was not a very pleasant experience for any of us.  We had an extremely inconsistent year, to say the least.  We decided on a few different curriculums to try this year.

Our oldest son, who is in 8th grade, will be meeting every Thursday with a homeschool group for teenage boys. His teacher will be teaching them: Bible/Theology/Discipleship, Language Arts, Reading, and Social Studies.
His first class was last Thursday and he had a blast! We’ll continue to use Saxon Math this year. And for Science, we’ll be trying out Apologia Science.

For my 6th grade daughter, we’ll be using My Father’s World curriculum which include: Bible, Geography, Science, Reading, and Art.
For English, she’ll be meeting every Thursday for an hour and a half with One Day Academy. She took an english class during the summer with them and loved, loved, loved it!! She’ll have the same awesome teacher this yr. We couldn’t be more happy!:-) And for math, she’ll use Saxon math like her brother.

They both will be reading lots of books that relate to whatever we’re learning about in most subjects. So if we’re learning about China, we’ll check out books from the library about it, play Chinese checkers, and maybe make a Chinese dish…something like that.  We’re definitely gonna dig deep, especially on subjects they show more interest in.  I’m sure Pinterest is gonna be my lifesaver for this!

I really want to add a foreign language to their curriculum but might wait until we get a routine down then invest in one.  I know a free website called Live Mocha that teaches foreign languages but not sure how kid friendly they are?!

As for my youngest son, we decided after much prayer, to keep him in public school for now…long story.
His first day was yesterday and so far he’s happy with our decision!

Okay, so as I’m getting my homeschool schedule all planned out, I remember hearing another mom say that she gave her homeschool a name, made ID badges with the school name on it, the school year, and a picture. One for her, the teacher, and one for her child, the student. That way she can get discounts at teacher stores and print shops etc, also to make her schooling a little more formal.  Sooooooooo, I got to thinking, “What in the world am I gonna name our homeschool????” I sent out a text to a few of my homeschool mommy friends asking if they have a name, if so, then what. A few did & a few didn’t.   After a few hours of going back and forth with a crazy friend of mine, who had me rolling on the floor laughing hysterically and my son, who wanted to name it, “The Wack Attack Christian Academy!” Lol……please, no need to worry, we didn’t go with it! Uhhhhhhh, Thanks but no thanks, son!!

We decided on calling our homeschool, Raising Arrows Christian Academy. Based off of the following scripture:

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3

My hubby says our mascot should be a lion/lioness and our school scripture should be:

“The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” Proverbs 28:1

Waddya think about the scripture? A bit much?

I was thinking our mascot should be me wearing armor reaching for an arrow with my kids faces on the tip of the arrow ready to shoot!!! Lol just kidding!

Our emblem will be an arrow and a target…..we’re still not 100% sure on the emblem but something along those lines.  What do you think?

As you can see, we are really super excited about this school year!

Thanks for stopping by!

Oh! Please let me know if you know of any foreign language websites that are kid friendly. B-)