Tag Archives: jesus
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Even when I didn’t know it

21 Jun

Father’s Day was always tough for me growing up, because I was fatherless. I didn’t have a daddy to call my own. But I’m so grateful that I had an uncle who was brave enough to take on the role as daddy for me. Actually, I had several uncles who loved me like their own and did everything they could for me. But I only called one of them dad.

My daddy:

He wasn’t always 100% active in my life, but he let me call him dad, and that was more than enough for me. I knew that if I ever needed him, he’d be there. And for the most part, he was always there. I know he felt a sense of pride when he walked me down the aisle and gave me away on my wedding day. It was a special moment between the both of us. 8 months later, he passed away.

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To my daddy Jesse, thank you for loving me like your very own. You didn’t have to, but you did. I’ll never forget all that you taught me and all that you did for me. I love you.

My husband:

I know I’ve mentioned it in other posts, but I have the most amazing husband ever! If I can describe him with one word that would be: Faithful. He’s faithful to me as his wife, he’s faithful to God, and he’s faithful to our kids. My husband is a very hands on dad and is very active in our kid’s lives. He’s the kind of dad that asks each child how their day was, what did they learn that day. Actually he asks like this, “What’s going on in your world?” He’s the kind of dad that makes it a Priority that we eat together every night as a family. He’s the kind of dad that makes it a priority to pray with the kids every night before they go to bed.
He’s the kind of dad that will have one on one dates with each of the kids just to stay connected with them.  I can go on and on…

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To my husband, you’re everything that I ever dreamed of and more, not only as my husband but also as the father to our kids. We see everything that you do for us and are so grateful for your love, your faithfulness, and your hard work. We love you.

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I never heard of God being the Father to the fatherless until after I got saved. I always wondered if I would ever meet my real dad. And lots of times I would ask different family members questions about him, but always left with very little information. It angered me. It made me wonder more and more about him. But once I discovered that God was my Father, something inside of me lifted. The uneasiness I always felt inside of me left. The sadness left. I happily accepted that God is my Father. He always has been and always will be.

To my Heavenly Father, I am eternally grateful for every single thing you’ve done for me. You have always been there for me, even when I didn’t know it. All that I have, all that I am is because of you.  I am humbled… Truly humbled to be your daughter.

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Happy Father’s Day!

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A Sinner Like Me

19 Jun

Monday, June 15, was my 18th spiritual birthday… The day that I gave my life to Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord & Saviour.

I have to admit, I was clueless to what being saved meant. I never even considered God or anything religious or spiritual before this day.

I was a sinner.

And to be honest, the only reason I even went to church was because a friend of mine had been asking me to go with her for 3 months.

“Fine,” I said. ” and after this will you stop bugging me!?”

Once she agreed to that, it was official…I was going to church.

Why was I all of a sudden scared to go?

God was drawing me to Him.

“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them.” John 6:44

Before I knew it, I was driving with my friend and her new friend’s to church. I kept telling myself, I’m going this one time and that’s it. (Wrong!) Church is not for people like me. (Wrong again!)

I walked into those doors and instantly people welcomed me. I noticed that most of them were happy. I thought to myself, Fake! There all faking. No one is THAT  happy, right!?

I made it through praise and worship… Barely.

I made it through the preaching. I don’t remember a word that was preached. I think I was too busy looking around and checking everybody out… Observing every single detail about the church.

Then came the altar call.

First let me say that this was my first time ever in a Christian church. I new NOTHING about salvation, The Trinity, grace, nothing. I never even seen a Bible before, much less know what’s inside of it.

I was a sinner.

Okay, now back to the altar call.

The Pastor was asking if anyone wanted to accept Jesus in their heart and to be forgiven of their sins, to raise their hand.

I just sat there with my head bowed, my eyes closed, and my hands on my lap.

He asked if anyone once new  God but have fallen away and they want to come back, to raise their hand.

I still sat there. I didn’t move.

I remember feeling so confused like, I’d like to believe it’s that simple but these people don’t know me. They don’t know what I’ve done or what’s been done to me.

I was only 18 years old, but have already experienced so much that I thought it was hopeless for me. I mean, I had no hope, no goals, no nothing for my life. Yes, I graduated high school. Yes, I had a part time job at Sonic. But I had nothing else.

Anyways, the Pastor invited people to go pray at the altar and that’s when I got approached by a girl, and she asked me if she could pray with me. I didn’t know what she meant so I said yes because I thought everyone could use prayer, right!?

I didn’t know that she meant a prayer of salvation; to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour!

Let me give you a little glimpse of what life was like for me before this day…

I am a product of a one night stand… So they say.  Till this day, I’ve never met my dad, nor have I ever seen a picture of him. I only know that he was tall, skinny, with blue eyes, and long straight blond hair. (Now you know where my kids get it from)  As far back as I can remember, I was always scared. Scared to talk to people. Scared to meet people. Scared to do anything or be anywhere alone. I’ve never had self esteem or self worth. I always felt like the outcast, the black sheep because I was the only one of my cousins who didn’t have a daddy. As I got a little older, I learned to pretend that I didn’t care if I had one or not.

But I did care. I’ve always cared.

Any self esteem and self worth that I tried to build up for myself, which wasn’t much, all went down the drain the day I got violated.

I was in the 4th grade.

It went on for 3 years. I hated him. I hated myself for being weak and not sticking up for myself. I hated the fact that I was scared. I hated the fact that no one could hear my silent cries, my pleas for help. I hated everything. I hated life. I hated my dad for leaving me in this world to fend for myself. I hated my mom for not aborting me when she had the chance. I hated everyone.

My life turned a corner in the 8th grade… For the worse.

That was the year when everything I was holding in all came out…sorta. I started hanging with the wrong crowd because they may not have known every single terrible thing that happened to me up to that point, but they understood me. They understood brokenness. They understood abandonment. They understood the pain that they saw in my eyes every single day.

They understood and they didn’t ask, so I was safe.

I got introduced to smoking, skipping school, guys, crazy music, sex, parties… Everything.

Even though I tried everything to fill the void in my heart, I was still empty inside longing for love and acceptance.

No matter how hard I tried, I never found it. 

I found true love and acceptance for the first time in my whole life 18 years ago, when that girl approached me asking to pray with me.

I had no clue what I was doing.
I had no clue what it meant to be saved.  I had no clue that the minute I stepped foot in that church, that my life would be changed forever. I had no clue that the girl praying with me would be my future sister in law!

But God did.

I went along with the prayer even though I didn’t completely believe that it was gonna work for me.

I can’t say that I felt this wonderful cleansing deep within my soul and was overflowing with joy that everyone else in this church apparently had. No, it wasn’t like that for me. I got up from that altar went to my seat and wondered what in the world just happened!

I didn’t understand right away, but once I did comprehend that, which was months later, (don’t judge.. I’m a slow learner, okay!) what I did was accept Jesus in my heart and he forgave me of all my past sins and that I was forgiven and that I was His child, I was overwhelmed with an emotion that I never experienced before: Joy.

Everything I was searching for, I found in Christ.

Everything that I needed, I found in Christ.

Everything that I am, I found in Christ.

The most amazing thing to me at that time, and still is, is that Christ loves me so much that He died for Me.  ME! As messed up and confused and lonely as I was, He died for me.

I was a sinner.

And that is exactly who He died for.

I’m still a sinner but I’m a sinner saved my grace.

I’ve made some mistakes in my 18 years. But I’m not the young brokenhearted girl I was when I first came to Christ.

Christ can do for you what He did for me.

I love music, so here’s a song that I’m loving right now in this season of my life. I have a feeling it’s going to be my favorite song for a long time.

Colton Dixon “Through All of It.”

Hello Monday

11 May

I woke up to the sound of rain and distant thunder. I was bundled up comfortably under my blankets. My room was dark, telling me it was pretty early in the morning. There wasn’t a sound throughout the whole house.

It was still.

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I thought to myself, “15 more minutes, then I’ll get up.” I then reached over to grab my phone to double check on the time…. 9:15 am…Oh no!!! I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs to wake the kids up.

This is not how I wanted to start my week.

Coffee! Yes, that’s what I need.

Then this happens:

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Instead of adding the scoops of coffee where it belongs, I added it to the water! It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if it were a regular coffee pot, because I would’ve just poured the water out, rinsed the pot, and started over.

Easy, right?

Wrong!

I have a double coffee pot that makes k-cups and a full pot of coffee. Cleaning it wasn’t difficult, just annoying because all I wanted was a cup of coffee!

Seriously, how difficult is it to make a pot of coffee!?!?!?

You’ll see….

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…yeah, I put the coffee filter in without realizing I never put the coffee filter holder back in!

At this point, all I could do was laugh at myself. (even though I wanted to crawl back in bed and start this day all over again!)

After a quick clean up, I tried for the third time to make my pot of coffee so I can Finally start my day!

You’re wondering how it went, right?

You’re wondering if I poured  creamer in the water section instead of water, right?

You’re wondering if I pushed start without putting the pot in its spot and coffee was splashing everywhere, right?

Well, do I have some good news for you….It was a success!

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My little coffee incident got me thinking….

We’ve all had crazy Monday morning experiences. Some worse than others. In my case, it was easy to laugh at. But maybe some of you woke up to something a little more serious. Maybe your Mother’s Day weekend didn’t go as well as you would’ve liked. Maybe you’re having marital issues. Maybe you have a sick loved one. Maybe there’s more money going out then coming in.

I can go on and on but…

Can I encourage you, dear friend?

Regardless of what your situation may be, big or small, we can’t lose sight that God is bigger than our circumstance.

He knows & see’s your struggle.

He see’s how hard you’re trying to keep it together.

He knows that everything in you wants to quit, but you’re holding onto faith.

He see’s every single tear that you have cried.

You might be thinking that I couldn’t possibly understand whatever it is that might be weighing heavy on your heart.

But I can.

I’m in the middle of a trial myself, so I’m most definitely talking to myself here, too.

My little coffee issue very well could’ve been the icing on the cake for me, considering what this last week was like.

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But I chose to laugh.

I chose to take a deep breath and try again..and again…. And again!

I chose NOT to look at it with a negative eye.

Friend, we choose how we handle the trials of life.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you didn’t respond correctly to something that went wrong today. Instead, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and try again.

It doesn’t matter how your Monday morning started. It matters how you finish.

I’m cheering you on, my friend. You can do it…Finish strong!

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Sunday Funnies: For my husband & kiddos

20 Oct

I got this bright idea (and those don’t happen very often!!)  to post something funny every Sunday. Maybe a quote I find on Pinterest, or a riddle etc. I don’t know exactly what the Sunday Funnies will consist of or if I’ll actually post anything at all, but it’s worth a shot, right!?!?

Today’s funnies are dedicated to my Amazing Husband and my awesome children.

To my hubby:

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To my children:

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Okay, so maybe those aren’t actually funny, but hey, they’re good! Right!?

I think so.

Happy Sunday!

The Ride

30 Aug

Life is full of twists and turns. This last month has been full of them for me. Wait!  Who am I kidding, my whole summer has been quite a ride. Full of ups & downs. Highs & low. Smiles & tears. Times when I thought I had things all figured out. Times when I thought I couldn’t make it. Even times when I thought I could conquer the world! But no matter what I’m going through or how I’m feeling, one thing I know is certain; My God never changes. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. He knows the number of hairs I have on my head, which is a lot because i have pretty thick hair. He see’s every tear that I cry. He knows my heart, my every thought and my every fear. And yet, He still loves me!

In everything that I’ve been through in my life and especially this summer, I know that God has always been there with me. Shaping & molding me into His perfect image.

Even though I’m still at a place of uncertainty, I know that God has everything under control. He knows exactly what He’s doing, in me & through me, and I put my trust in Him alone. His ways are not my ways and His plan is far better than anything I could ever imagine.

If you’re reading this, and you’re in a dark place in your life or maybe you’re at a crossroad, remember that Jesus Christ is YOUR Father and He hears your cries. He knows exactly where you’re at in life and what you’re going through.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Learning

4 Jul

Where has the time gone!?!  I can hardly believe that in just one month so much has happened.

If I could describe how the month of June was for me in one word it would be: Learning.

Learning to coupon:
Like I mentioned in my last blog, I’ve been doing a little couponing… And I love it!

Learning to cook for 5 kids:
Yes, I said 5 kids!
We took in 2 brothers for the summer; ages 14&12 and let me tell you, I’ve learned so much about myself through these guys. One thing is that I’ve had to expand my cooking skills, which is not the easiest thing for me… I’m no Betty Crocker, that’s for sure! But Last week I made homemade Beef Stroganoff and it came out A.MAZ.ING!!!! I’ve had to start planning our meals out for the week, which I’m starting to really like!

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                     Beef Stroganoff!!

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            First night having 5 kids!

Learning to relax a little and enjoy the little things:
This was a tough one for me to do because I can be a bit OCD with certain things like keeping up with the laundry, dishes, and especially always having my living room spic&span clean.  I noticed that I was becoming very overwhelmed and stressed because things didn’t look exactly the way I like it. Then one day I saw a quote that really was an eye opener to me.

“No one ever looked back at the end of their life and wished their house had been cleaner.”

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Learning to modify:
So from that moment I decided to take a deep breath and just relax. It’s okay if I have a pile of laundry waiting to be folded & put away. It’s okay if there are a few dishes in the sink. It’s okay if there’s a stack of books on the coffee table. It’s all gonna get done eventually and I’m okay with that!

We’ve created chores so they can all help with keeping the house decent. Every one is responsible for washing  any dish that they use during the day to prevent “dirty dish over load”, which is a major No No to me! And they each switch off every night washing the dinner dishes.

As long as my kitchen & living room are cleaned up by the end of the day, I’m a happy mommy!

In the middle of all this learning, my hubby comes down with a bad case of shingles! So not only am I adjusting to having 2 more kids to care for, I’m tending to his needs. I will confess, it was a bit stressful and for a moment I didn’t think I could do it, but I thank God that He is my strength in my time of weakness. He is my helper, my comforter.

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                Memorizing Scripture

We really enjoy having these boys here with us. They’re our son’s and we love them very much. I know I speak for all of us when I say, they have a special place in each of our hearts.

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If you have any advice please leave a comment!! 

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A dream come true

7 Feb

As a girl, my one desire was to feel accepted and to be loved. From as far back as I can remember, I was lonely, timid, and very fearful.  I’m sure it had a lot to do with the fact that I was fatherless.  I’ve never met my  biological father to this day and for years it tore me up inside.

During my teenage years,  all my unanswered questions about my dad, amongst other things, turned into anger and resentment. That quiet little shy girl turned into a very rebellious teenager who no one had control over.

I began searching for love and acceptance through what I thought was”normal” teenage behavior. All the while, deep inside of me, was that quiet little shy girl crying out so desperately for a father and for someone who would truly love me.

Thankfully, at the age of 18, I found my father!

My Heavenly Father. 

In Psalm 68 it says, that God is the Father to the fatherless.

I got saved in June of 1997 and gave my broken heart and broken life to Jesus. I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t know how to be saved. And I certainly didn’t know how long it would last. I just knew that every missing piece of my life was now made whole. It was truly a miracle!

Okay, now let’s go back to February 7, 1999.

Besides the day that I gave my life to Jesus, this day is very special to me because it’s my wedding day!  The day that I said, “I do” to a man that God had especially for me. A man who has loved me and accepted me, even when I’ve been hardest to love.

We met in church and let me tell you, I would have NEVER considered him before…BC he’s white. Calm down, call down! I’m not racist at all, but in my mind, all white men wanted was to get Hispanic women pregnant and leave them, since that is what happened to my mom.

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                           Dating

But he’s proven himself time and time again, that he ain’t going no where. (Even when I’ve wanted him too! Lol)

We dated for a little over a year, and we didn’t kiss, hug, hold hands.. NOTHING till our wedding day!

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                          First kiss!

It was beautiful!

Here we are, 15 years later, and we’re still married and still in love!

Oh but let me tell you, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. We’ve had our high times and our low times but through it all, we’ve kept Jesus in the center of our lives!

God is so faithful, because my life now is everything I ever dreamed of and more, all because of God’s grace!

Hope you enjoy the pictures!

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         First marriage retreat and very       prego!              

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                 Christmas Fellowship
                                2001

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                     Saltillo, Mexico

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                 10 year Anniversary

Sadly, we don’t have a 15 year wedding picture yet. But I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough and I’ll add it to the post later… Maybe!

Until then, if you’re married, love your spouse till death do you part. And if you’re single, wait on God and He will give you the desires of your heart!

Happy Anniversary Babe… 15 years, crazy hu??

“Therefore what God had joined together, let not man separate.”
                    Mark 10:9